I Wore a Bikini this Summer for the First Time in My 43 years.

I’ve never had what you’d call a bikini body. I know, I know… I don’t need a perfect body to wear a bikini. But I lean toward self-consciousness. Showing a lot of skin is a little scary. It’s showing more of me than I want others to see. And quite frankly, I like to maintain some amount of mystery.

Sure, it sounded fun to wear a bikini someday, like so many somedays I have stacked up in my head, but I’m more comfortable in my board shorts and tankini.

So getting in bikini shape has never really been a goal for me, at least not one that stuck or motivated me to change.  But I finally wore a bikini this past summer, at the ripe old age of 43. Forty-three you guys! The amazing thing was, it felt like chance had more to do with it than any goal around body image or weight loss.

What I was working toward before that sunny day on the beach in a two-piece was a stronger version of myself.

I have two young kids – a three-year-old son and an eight-year-old daughter. My daughter was born when I was 36, and my son just after I turned 40. I’m not in my 20’s or even 30’s anymore; I have an underactive thyroid and a super active family! 

Many nights I crash after the kids go to bed. Don’t-stop-me, face-plant, dive into bed. I’ve slept in my daywear contacts and clothes too many times to count. Sometimes I crash right after the kids are in bed, sleep for a few hours, get up to brush teeth and remove contacts, and then back to bed for the duration of the night. My husband calls those first few hours of sleep my “pre-nap.”

I also have anxiety and a bend toward overwhelm that has me running for a book, my phone or just any kind of low-hanging fruit I can grab (some days running the dishwasher is a victory!)  This is great until I reflect on how many of my larger goals are simply not happening while time keeps slipping away.

The word, the foremost goal for me has become “strong.”  I want to become stronger –mentally, emotionally, physically- for my kids, for my family, for all the things I want to do in this life.

Through a ton of trial and mostly error, I’ve found two things that have consistently helped me reach my health goals:

Whole 30

 If it were just up to me, I’d be on the “see food” diet. When it comes to food, I like convenience, carbs and coffee, and like to spend as little time as possible in the kitchen. I tell myself I’ll make little changes, which all goes well till 3:26 in the afternoon.

Enter the Whole 30 plan, and this all-or-nothing girl has a way to survive. The Whole 30 program really helps me re-set my eating habits when they need an adjustment. My husband and I have done multiple “Whole 30’s” and it always helps me feel better and stronger.

Boot Camp

The second game changer for me was finding my boot camp gym. I am not an exercise person, but I’ve discovered it’s a lot of fun to workout with others.   I went to my first boot camp in October of 2018 with a friend, and I’ve never looked back.  It’s the first exercise program I’ve been able to stick with consistently.  I love it and it’s made my goal to become stronger totally doable and fun.

Equipped with these two tools – the Whole 30 and my boot camp gym, I set out to become stronger this year. As I did, my energy increased. I felt strong at the gym and more days then before, I was blasting through my to-do list

When I fuel my body with whole, clean foods, I feel like I shed an old layer of skin and become a better version of myself. The mental fog clears. Chronic anxiety lifts. I go from being extremely distracted and under-productive to pounding through more of my days with energy.  I felt these changes as we approached summer and it was amazing.

Then one day, when we were getting ready for our vacation this summer, I did some last minute shopping to find a bathing suit. My sis helped me pick out some swimsuits, and I tried on some bikinis too.  I was surprised that the bikini actually looked nice and I felt good in it. Would I have the courage to wear it? I was hoping, but still got some board shorts to wear over the bikini bottom.

We went to the beach and I started with wearing my rash guard and board shorts. Eventually I wanted to catch more sun and stripped down to my bikini top and bottom. Look Ma, I’m wearing a bikini!

It was fun!

But it wasn’t everything.

 If I had played in the sun and water that day in a tankini and board shorts, it still would have been every bit as wonderful. Wearing my new bikini was just a bit of icing on the cake.  The whole enchilada? Feeling good, and feeling strong. Having great energy to fully enjoy a day on the beach with my family.

What could you do if your body was stronger?

 Find the deepest reasons in your heart for why you want to take care of your body, your energy and your health. 

Write down how you feel – how you truly feel. Look at your energy levels, your cravings, moods and mood swings, irritability, how much you need to sleep, how much downtime you need to function. Use improvements in these areas as your measure of success.

To keep myself motivated, I wrote down how I feel when I’m not exercising and not eating foods that help me perform at my best level. I put it on my bathroom mirror to remind myself.  I know what my body is capable of when I take care of it.

Now, full disclosure:  If I went to the pool today, I’d wear my tankini and board shorts.  I like to eat, and with the challenges of keeping kids busy over the summer, I went back to some old habits. I have ups and downs in my journey toward this goal to be stronger, and that’s okay. Now as we approach the fall, I’m ready for a re-set.  Right now I’m in the middle of a September Whole 30 and will head into the holidays with my good habits re-set.

Strong is a journey with ups and downs, but the key is to never quit.

What do you want out of life?  Is it to have more energy for your kids or grandkids, to play better at a sport, to have energy to start a new hobby, date your spouse, make some extra money for a dream trip? Write it down and get started. 

A sign at my gym says “strong is the new skinny.” I believe that with all my heart.

Get stronger.